Hugh Jackman being perfect. Don't hate . . . he can't help it.

I’m a huge movie buff. I may not be able to tell you the names of the directors and producers and such, but I’ve seen every Hugh Jackman, Johnny Depp, and Gerard Butler movie ever made and I pride myself on that.

We all have our ‘standards’ for movie watching, don’t we? Some people are into complicated plots, some into character arcs or set and costuming. My standards include a great physique and a killer smile, which immediately earns the movie an A+. If his eyes crinkle during that smile, he has a terrific accent AND they’ve worked a butt shot into the script, then I’m TOTALLY rating the movie an A++. (Hellloooo, XMen!)

So you can imagine how excited I was to watch the shoot for my own book trailer, MUCH ADO ABOUT MARRIAGE. Btw, I wrote the script, so naturally there is a shot of a kilt blowing up. I was going for the butt shot but then we realized that a frontal shot would have more, you know, IMPACT.

Yeah, IMPACT.

I like IMPACT. I try to put a lot of IMPACT in my books, just for fun.

It was amazing the work the production company did in producing this video. There was a make-up artist on call, an actor and an actress, a filmographer — it was quite a group of people when all was said and done. Add to that equipment and costumes and– wow. I was amazed and impressed, especially when one of the production staff showed up with bagels and iced coffee. I mean, all of this AND snacks?

And yet,  despite the exquisite attention to detail by the production company staff of LUCAS DIGITAL MEDIA (YAY! LDM!), we still faced certain Production Issues during the shoot. I thought I’d share a few of those with you here.

You have to give Ellen credit for attiring Gerard Butler in such an eye catching kilt. It's unfortunate that he put it on a little crooked.

1) We were in a park in the middle of a bustling city, so there were ALWAYS people around, which was really annoying. I mean, if YOU saw that a movie was being shot, would you walk right through the backdrop, staring right into the camera the entire time?

I think not. And yet there were all of these guys — and yes, all of the them were guys — who would do so. One of them even sort of danced across the background.

Thanks. It was fun leaving your smartass on the cutting room floor.

2) When we set up to use a fan to blow up the kilt, people gathered to watch. Now, no one gathered to watch when we were shooting the chase scene or the walking-through-the-forest scene, or any other scene. But have a man in a kilt stand with his feet planted, and use a fan to blow up said kilt, and the whole world comes to watch. Even little children, which I thought was unseemly.

3) We had a little problem with the kilt. It was wool. And heavy. So when we’d angle the fan, it wouldn’t flutter like the final shot shows, but would flip up once and then drop heavily. We must have blown air up that male model’s kilt for an HOUR. And WITH a growing audience.

All I can say is, “THANK YOU, FATE!” It was a LOT of fun. If you ever get the chance to blow air up a Scot’s kilt, accept the challenge. It’s the most naughty fun you’ll ever have without getting arrested.

Gotta love a pirate! Or I do, anyway.

4) The model/actor was amazingly cheerful about the entire episode. From some of the tales he and the actress told me, they’ve had to do a lot of weird things in their careers. I have to say, getting to see the actual shoot, watching in person how the filmographer/producer dealt with the myriad of challenges (and there were many), and listening to the models/actors stories and seeing how they had to do the same thing over and over and over and over (and then see how they had to wait and wait between shots), gave me an entirely new appreciation for the film industry.

And finally #5, the question you’ve all be wanting to ask but were afraid to try . . . 5) What did the actor wear under his kilt? Naturally, he did not go au naturel. We were, after all, in a park, WITH a growing audience. But he wore the next best thing — reallllly tight biker shorts. And I got to see them at EYE LEVEL. For an HOUR.

All I can say is that this movie business is the bomb and don’t let anyone tell you any different!